Defensiveness includes a built-in blind spot. The defense exists to protect the person from a threat, and acknowledging that the defense is unnecessary would require acknowledging that the threat was not real, which feels like lowering the shield while the attack is still incoming. From the inside, every defensive reaction feels justified. The partner was being critical. The feedback was unfair. The question was an accusation. The defensive person's perceptual system is organized to detect threat, and it is very good at finding evidence for threats even when they are not present. That perceptual bias is what makes defensiveness so resistant to self-correction. The person cannot see the pattern because the pattern includes a mechanism for explaining away each individual instance.
Dr. David Steinbok helps patients in Boca Raton recognize this blind spot through the psychodynamic process. The therapeutic relationship provides a space where the defensive reactions can be observed by someone who is not the target of the defense and who can reflect back what is happening without triggering the escalation that friends and partners inevitably provoke.
