Self sabotage is easiest to see in hindsight and hardest to see in the moment, which is precisely what makes it so effective at its job. In the moment, the fight feels justified, the flaw in the partner feels real, the urge to withdraw feels like self-preservation. It is only after the relationship has ended that the person can see the pattern: the same sequence, the same turning point, the same outcome. Developing the capacity to recognize the sabotage in real time rather than in retrospect is one of the primary goals of therapy.
Dr. David Steinbok helps patients in Boca Raton develop this capacity through psychodynamic work that sensitizes the patient to the internal signals that precede a sabotaging act. A self sabotage in relationships therapist does not ask the patient to suppress the impulse. The work is about understanding the impulse well enough that acting on it becomes a choice rather than an automatic response.
