Attachment patterns are not chosen. They are absorbed from the relational environment a child grows up in. A child whose caregiver responds reliably and warmly to emotional needs tends to develop secure attachment. A child whose caregiver is inconsistently available tends to develop anxious attachment. A child whose caregiver is emotionally unavailable or dismissive tends to develop avoidant attachment. And a child whose caregiver is a source of both comfort and fear tends to develop disorganized attachment. These patterns are established before the child has language to describe them, which is why they operate so far beneath conscious awareness in adulthood.
Dr. David Steinbok helps patients from the Delray Beach, Florida area trace their current attachment patterns back to these early relational experiences. Understanding the origin of the pattern does not automatically change it, but it provides a framework that makes the pattern less bewildering and less self-blaming. An insecure attachment therapist works with this framework to help the patient see their relational behavior as a response to their history rather than as a defect in their character.
