There is a difference between wanting a relationship and needing one in order to function. The compulsive version of the need shows up as an inability to tolerate gaps between relationships, a tendency to move from one partner to the next with minimal time alone, or a willingness to accept almost anyone rather than face solitude. The person may recognize the pattern and still feel unable to break it because the fear of being alone is stronger than the recognition that the pattern is harmful. The need for a relationship is not about the partner. It is about what the partner's presence provides: a buffer against the internal experience of aloneness that the person has never learned to tolerate.
Dr. David Steinbok helps patients from the Boynton Beach, Florida area who are dealing with this compulsive pattern. A therapist who understands the fear of being alone recognizes that the compulsion is a symptom, not a character flaw. Psychodynamic therapy works to build the internal resources the patient needs to tolerate solitude, so that being in a relationship becomes a choice rather than a necessity.
